Most happy endings are dumb anyway.

I’m trying to find something to do so I won’t have to go to sleep.

Those Next To Normal nightmares still scare the hell out of me.

I still want to know why the show stops, and why it stops when it does.

I want to know why it’s only one cast, but why it’s never the same performance.

I want to know why in my dreams, I can visualize what it was like so clearly, but when I’m awake, my mind is too cluttered to picture it.

I’m stuck here.

You’re there.

There is nothing I can do.

Nothing I can say that you will hear.

But I hope you know how much I care about you, and I hope that maybe for the first time in my life - I’ll be enough.

You’re better than this.

Believe me.

I love you.

Drop it.

Trying to resist.

I’ve been so good today.

Had a tiny breakfast, and sat on an empty stomach until I gave in to leftover stir fry from last night around 2 hours.

I worked out for 2 hours.

And my mom made chocolate chip cookies.

But, I can’t.

I’ve worked too hard to give in.

But, I know she knows.

I’m really sick of this.

Jealousy. It’s gross. Competition. It’s ugly. Ignorance. It’s easy to avoid. Rudeness. It’s not necesary.

I wish things could be normal and we could all grow up. By “all”, I mean myself included.

Maybe I’m tired of the game.

Goal.

I would like to apologize for being the person who is too nice to leave out, but never cool enough to be in.

Story of my life. You won’t exclude me. You won’t be mean to me. But you’ll never invite me. You’ll never make sure I belong. You’ll never care enough to fake it. I’m sorry for being the person that even though you probably you want to, you don’t have the heart to leave out.

I’m sorry for being so screwed up.

I’m sorry for not remembering every little word that comes out of your mouth. I’m sorry that when you ask me to do something that’s not at the top of my priority list, that I do my homework and practice for my auditions first. I’m sorry that if I did YOUR thing before my homework and practice, you’d yell at me for not focusing on practicing and doing my homework. I’m sorry that I’m not as perfect as you. I’m sorry that I’m not thin or pretty like you want me to be. I’m sorry I’m not someone you can be proud of. I’m sorry that I’m not like you. I’m sorry that your paradise isn’t mine. I’m sorry that you don’t give me the oppurtunity to do things for you. I’m sorry that you don’t let me be what you want me to be. I’m sorry that you trap me. I’m sorry that we’ll never be in a good enough place for me to say this to you. I’m sorry that you ignore my crying. I’m sorry that I cry in the first place. I’m sorry that I’d do anything for you and anything for this oppurtunity. I’m sorry that not only will you not be able to do this one for me, but that you’ll never even have a minute of time in your schedule to be with me and talk about it.

That’s probably what I’m the most sorry about.

You know what I hate?

When my mom asks if I’m hungry, I say no, and she still makes me food.